L O V E

Pogledaj prethodnu temu Pogledaj sledeću temu Ići dole

cudno L O V E

Počalji  Gio taj Pet Feb 16, 2007 2:11 pm

HOW TO INSTALL L O V E



Customer Service (CS) Rep. : Yes, Ma'am, how can I help you today?

Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install LOVE.
Can you guide me through the process?

CS Rep. : Yes, I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?

Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready to install now. What do I do first?

CS Rep. : The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your HEART ma'am?

Customer: Yes I have, but there are several other programs running right now.
Is it okay to install while they are running?

CS Rep. : What programs are running ma'am?

Customer: Let's see, I have PAST-HURT.EXE, LOW-ESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE,
and RESENTMENT.COM running right now.

CS Rep. : No problem. LOVE will gradually erase PAST-HURT.EXE from your current
operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other
programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOW-ESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called
HIGH-ESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and
RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed.
Can you turn those off ma'am?

Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

CS Rep. : My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE.
Do this as many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have
been completely erased.

Customer: Okay, done. LOVE has started installing itself automatically. Is that normal?

CS Rep. : Yes. You should receive a message that says it will reinstall for the life of your HEART.
Do you see that message?

Customer: Yes I do. Is it completely installed?

CS Rep. : Yes, but remember that you have only the base program.
You need to begin connecting to other HEART's in order to get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops. I have an error message already. What should I do?

CS Rep. : What does the message say?

Customer: It says "ERROR 412 - PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS."
What does that mean?

CS Rep. : Don't worry ma'am, that's a common problem. It means that the LOVE program is set
up to run on external HEARTS but has not yet been run on your HEART. It is one of those
complicated programming things, but in nontechnical terms it means you have to "LOVE" your
own machine before it can "LOVE" others.

Customer: So what should I do?

CS Rep. : Can you pull down the directory called "SELF-ACCEPTANCE"?

Customer: Yes, I have it.

CS Rep. : Excellent. You're getting good at this.

Customer: Thank you.

CS Rep. : You're welcome. Click on the following files and then copy them to the "MYHEART"
directory: FORGIVE-SELF.DOC, REALIZE-WORTH.TXT, and ACKNOWLEDGE-
LIMITATIONS.DOC. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching any faulty
programming. Also, you need to delete VERBOSE-SELF-CRITIC.EXE from all directories, and
then empty your recycle bin afterwards to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

Customer: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with new files. SMILE.MPG is playing on my
monitor right now and it shows that PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are copying
themselves all over my HEART. Is this normal?

CS Rep. : Sometimes. For others it takes a while, but eventually everything gets downloaded at
the proper time. So, LOVE is installed and running. You should be able to handle it from here.
One more thing before I go.

Customer: Yes?

CS Rep. : LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everybody you meet.
They will in turn share it with other people and they will return some similarly cool modules back to you.

Customer: I will. Thanks for your help. By the way, what's your name?

CS Rep. : You can call me the Divine Cardiologist, also known as The Great Physician, but most
call me God. Most people feel all they need is an annual checkup to stay heart-healthy, but the
manufacturer (Me) suggests a schedule of daily maintenance for maximum efficiency.
Put another way, keep in touch.........

:sun8:
avatar
Gio
aktivni član
aktivni član

Muški
Broj poruka : 24
Godina : 52
Mjesto : Beograd
Poeni : 3944
Datum upisa : 04.02.2007

Nazad na vrh Ići dole

cudno S E X

Počalji  Gio taj Pet Feb 16, 2007 2:14 pm

* The Benefits of Love Making

1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce double
amounts of the hormone estrogen, which make hair shiny and skin smooth.

2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes.
The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow.

3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.

4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up.
It stretches and tunes up just about every mucles in the body.
It's more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps and you don't need special sneakers!

5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases the body endorphins into the bloodstream,
producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being.

6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered.
The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones.
These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!

7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. It is 10 times more effective than Valium.

8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away.
Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.

9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.

10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.
avatar
Gio
aktivni član
aktivni član

Muški
Broj poruka : 24
Godina : 52
Mjesto : Beograd
Poeni : 3944
Datum upisa : 04.02.2007

Nazad na vrh Ići dole

cudno The Truth about sex, men and woman

Počalji  kelta taj Sub Avg 11, 2007 11:38 pm

The Truth about sex, men and woman
Body: The Truth
Here a few broken Myths, and Facts about Men and Women

1) 94% of men lie about their dick size. According to condom manufacturers, only 6% of men need to use extra large condoms.

2) The average man is 5 inches long when erect (no matter what you have heard ladies, that's the truth). (incidentally the average vaginal capactity is only 6 inches, for you women who think you can handle king dong)

3) 80% of American men are circumsized. Even though Pediatrics say it is not necessary.

4) No matter what all the ads say, nothing can make your penis grow but time (most men reach the end of their growth by the early 20's)

5) There is no correlation between penis size and shoe size, hand size, or nose size.

6) Blue balls does exist! It's technically called "prostatic congestion."

7) Only 16% of men shave their privates.



+Some stuff on the ladies+

1) Only 9% of women around the globe consider themselves "attractive" (20% of British women do).
43% of women use the term "natural", 24% say they have "average" looks, 8% prefer the term "feminine", 7% say they are "good looking", and 7% say they are "cute", and finally only 2% of women say they are "sexy".

2) An estimated 85% of women wear the wrong size bra.

3) 60% of women have had breast implants.

4) 75% of women like giving/getting oral sex.

5) 95% of women shave their privates.



+Both+

1) Masturbation is healthy for both men and women. 2) 70% of highschoolers have had sex before they have graduated. 27% loose their virginity senior prom night. Only 3% wait until marriage. 3) 95% of men would have sex with a girl after 1 month of dating. Only 10% of women feel this way.



+5 Reasons Why Sex is Good+

1)It is a good workout. Sex burns about 150 calories every half an hour of it. It will lower your cholesterol and improve breathing circulation.

2) You won't get sick. According to research if you have sex 1-2 times a week you are less likely to get sick.

3) You'll feel happier. You will feel a greater sense of well-being. Women who have more sex were clinically proven to be less depressed than women who dont have sex.

4) Makes you look better - [ problem is, ugly people don..t get any ]. Sex releases hormones in your which make your skin and hair softer and shinier and tone your physique.

5) (The best reason) You will live longer. Studies prove that sex makes you live longer. Men who had sex 1-2 times a week had half the death rate as those who did not indulge themselves at least once a month. It also makes you look younger. If you have sex 3 times a week you may look up to 10 years younger than you really are.



Did You Know?

1) Having sex 3 times a week for 1 year adds up to running 75 miles!!!!
avatar
kelta
moderator
moderator

Ženski
Broj poruka : 1410
Godina : 41
Poeni : 5462
Datum upisa : 31.01.2007

Nazad na vrh Ići dole

cudno The problems with "HE" as thought by "SHE&quo

Počalji  kelta taj Sub Avg 11, 2007 11:43 pm

The problems with "HE" as thought by "SHE"
Body: If u TREAT him nicely, he says u are IN LOVE with him;
If u Don't, he says u are PROUD.


If u DRESS Nicely, he says u are trying to LURE him;
If u Don't, he says u are from VILLAGE.


If u ARGUE with him, he says u are STUBBORN ;
If u keep QUIET, he says u have no BRAINS .


If u are SMARTER than him, he'll lose FACE;
If he's Smarter than u, he is GREAT.


If u don't Love him, he tries to POSSESS u;
If u Love him! , he will try to LEAVE u.(very true huh?)


If u don't MAKE LOVE with him., he says u DON'T LOVE him;
If u DO!! he says u are CHEAP.


If u tell him your PROBLEM, he says u are TROUBLESOME;
If u DON'T, he says that u don't TRUST him.


If u SCOLD him, u are like a NANNY to him;
If he SCOLDS u, it is because he CARES for u.


If u BREAK your PROMISE, u Cannot be TRUSTED;
If he BREAKS his, he is FORCED to do so.


If u SMOKE, u are BAD girl;
If he SMOKES, he is GENTLEMAN.


If u do WELL in your exams, he says it's LUCK;
If he does WELL, it's BRAIN.


If u HURT him, u are CRUEL;
If he HURTS u, u are too SENSITIVE!!
avatar
kelta
moderator
moderator

Ženski
Broj poruka : 1410
Godina : 41
Poeni : 5462
Datum upisa : 31.01.2007

Nazad na vrh Ići dole

cudno Re: L O V E

Počalji  HondaBoy taj Čet Maj 28, 2009 12:49 pm

A da neko prevede ovo Rolling Eyes

_________________
" the truth is out there"
avatar
HondaBoy
član
član

Muški
Broj poruka : 306
Godina : 38
Mjesto : Banja Luka
Poeni : 4354
Datum upisa : 06.02.2007

Nazad na vrh Ići dole

cudno Re: L O V E

Počalji  olja taj Pon Jun 01, 2009 8:37 pm

Hondaboy, mislis da bismo razumjeli i da nam neko to prevede... ma daj, ko jos razumije muskarce, zene, ljubav i slicne trice.. flower
Samo se prepusti....
avatar
olja

Broj poruka : 16
Godina : 46
Poeni : 3113
Datum upisa : 31.05.2009

Nazad na vrh Ići dole

cudno Re: L O V E

Počalji  HondaBoy taj Pon Jun 01, 2009 8:45 pm

Pa ne mogu da se opustim kad me ovi gore dvoje sekiraju , zabrinem se kad ovako nesto proctaim pravo, pokusam naci sebe u svemu tome, vidim da me nema i pitam se gdje grijesim...

_________________
" the truth is out there"
avatar
HondaBoy
član
član

Muški
Broj poruka : 306
Godina : 38
Mjesto : Banja Luka
Poeni : 4354
Datum upisa : 06.02.2007

Nazad na vrh Ići dole

cudno Re: L O V E

Počalji  Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Nazad na vrh Ići dole

Pogledaj prethodnu temu Pogledaj sledeću temu Nazad na vrh


 
Dozvole ovog foruma:
Ne možete odgovarati na teme u ovom forumu